20 gifts that totally suck!

Racking your brains over cool gift ideas for the holiday season? Let me make it easier for you by telling you what NOT to gift. And no, it’s not just the thought that counts.
bad-gift
  1. Whatever you do, please don’t walk into the party with a lame bunch of flowers. If at all you do, team it up with a book on “50 Cool Uses for Half-Dead Blossoms”.
  2. Unless you want your run-of-the-mill photo-frame from a local gift shop circulated back to you a few parties later, don’t bother spending the bucks.
  3. Gifting religious paraphernalia like idols and pictures of your favorite deity and spiritual books will only make you look like a rabid fanatic.
  4. Classy perfumes are cool but deodorants are a strict no-no when it comes to gifts – unless you want to get a clear message across.
  5. A book on how to lose weight – gift that to a friend and earn an enemy for life! The same goes for weighing machines or other similarly suggestive objects.
  6. Handmade stuff like that pink and black muffler (your first ever knitting project)  is sweet but then…
  7. Mostly bought out of well-meaning intentions, self help books only suggest that we could use some help. In short, they spell “you’re not good enough yet”.
  8. I could probably write a book on “why not to gift a vase”.
  9. Fake jewelry and tacky trinkets are very likely to end up adorning my domestic help.
  10. Spare me the hassle of trying to figure out what to do/ where to place/ whom to re-gift that useless crystal piece.
  11. I don’t need you to buy me random stuff like a box of Pringles or a bottle of Worcestershire sauce  – I like to do our own grocery shopping.
  12. Presenting cookies to a diabetic, a bottle of wine to a teetotaler or a kitten to someone who is allergic to cats – the worst gifting faux pas.
  13. Buying us a ‘useful’ item is a noble idea but vacuum cleaners and toasters kinda cross the line unless they are specifically asked for.
  14. I would rather dig myself a grave than commit a sartorial sin in those hideous clothes!
  15. A box of icky, sticky, grease laden sweets – give this one a skippety skip.
  16. Gifting ivory, fur or any other remains of a dead animal is totally, awfully and extremely loathsome.
  17. I might put up with your unhealthy obsession for a movie star or sportsperson but don’t test my goodness with posters, memorabilia and autographed scrapbooks.
  18. There are better ways to flaunt your spending power than by gifting something ugly, useless and ridiculously expensive like an indoor fountain.
  19. A tie and cuff set is passé, passé and some more passé.
  20. Did you ever gift someone plastic jars and containers? You did? Gasp!
Remember, bad gifts are like bad karma – they always come back.


October 27, 2015 by Shuchi Singh Kalra

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