Sexism begins in school and it’s time it stopped!

The other day, there was a heated twitter debate following the sickening mass molestation incident in Bangalore and a few of us digressed and got discussing how sexism and oppression begins early – in school.

I am not very aware of how things stand now but back when we were in school (which was in the 90s), we were unconsciously part of a system that oppressed and subdued girls just so that they wouldn’t be a “distraction” to boys. The boys, on the other hand, were never overtly or covertly taught to view a female body as an human entity. We were the ones who had to cover up. Be embarrassed of our femininity. Dress modestly. Not attract attention. And generally be ashamed of our anatomy and bodily functions.

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We had teachers policing the length of our skirts and our socks. Girls who showed too much leg were quick to be lectured by teachers and always came under the radar of boys for being “fast” or whatever. Wearing a bra was compulsory but it was also compulsory to not let it show through our translucent white uniform shirts. Back in the day, there used to be these weird conical shaped cotton bras with no lycra that you could barely breathe in, and which left crude red marks on the skin in the peak of summer.

Some schools instructed girls to wear bloomers and cycling shorts under their skirts. I mean, if the sight of female legs is so intimidating, why couldn’t they just let them wear pants instead!

When we were a little grown up, closer to our teens, we learnt to walk more cautiously, with our hands holding down our skirts to keep them from billowing in the wind because god forbid…

We would climb stairs extra carefully, keeping away from the railings and holding our skirts closer to our skins because boys walking behind us never missed a chance to take a peek.

Having periods in school used to be a nightmare. A full day of stress wondering if there is a spot on your skirt, asking friends to walk behind you and check for soiling. A spot on a skirt would quickly become a butt of jokes and gossip among boys and girls alike, as if having a period was some kind of dangerous yet amusing disease. We would wash off stains in the bathroom and hold bags at awkward angles to hide the patch, or have friends walk in clusters to cover up for the unfortunate one. Throughout our childhood, we were strongly conditioned to be embarrassed and ashamed about a basic and universal bodily function, so much so that we could barely utter the word PERIOD out loud, even in front of women.

school_girl_in_her_uniform_sainikpuri_india

Sex education was practically non-existent, except for the sole chapter on Reproduction in Biology class which our teachers awkwardly sifted through, with boys in the back rows giggling away.

All these things seemed so normalized then but looking back, I realize how difficult it was to just BE A GIRL. Now that I have a daughter, I would certainly not want her to worry about managing her girlhood. That’s not what schools are for. And these are the supposed posh school and convents I am talking about. I dread to think what things are like in smaller cities and towns.

I wonder if these little factors have contributed to what our society has become today. Would things be any different if our schools inculcated a sense of responsibility and sensitivity in boys instead of placing the onus entirely on girls? Would we have bred better men if teachers and parents had been more open and vocal about gender issues? Would women be safer if young boys in school were taught against the sense of entitlement that is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that it is only now that we are finally recognizing it as a problem?

 

Shuchi Singh Kalra is the author of two romantic comedies – ‘Done With Men’, and ‘I’m Big. So What!?’. She freelances as a writer, editor and blogger, and runs a writing firm called the Pixie Dust Writing Studio. When she’s not writing, Shuchi likes to travel, read and bake awesome cakes. Find out more at http://www.shuchikalra.com. You can also tweet to her @shuchikalra.

January 5, 2017 by Shuchi Singh Kalra

121 responses to “Sexism begins in school and it’s time it stopped!”

  1. ranjeeta says:

    Wonderful writeup suchi

  2. Shikha Bhattacharya (fellow RIAW) says:

    Awesome article, Shuchi. Really went down memory lane during your description about us girls in school during our chums. Also identify with the pertinent question you asked about the attitudes of men today being a outcome of the way boys and girls were disciplined in the past.

  3. Absolutely Shuchi ! In fact I concur each and every word you’ve written. The seeds of sexism is sowed from the school itself and we unconsciously became the part of it.

    I would like to add few more points that even burn the bridges between boys and girls to know each other and strike an empathetic relation. I vividly remember that teachers (believe me, both men and women) would make boys share bench with other boys and girls share bench with other girls ideally. When caught indulging to a mischief by class elected monitors, boys were often punished in the form of being seated with girls and girls seated with boys by teachers and I’ve witnessed how embarrassed they were made to feel when in reality, it should’ve been a fun banter between them.

    Regarding menstruation, I never knew what it was until I reached 10th grade. When I look back I realize how discomforting and stressful was it for girls to keep this natural biological process as a hush hush topic. What amused me is even during my MSc Biotech years, when we were summoned by our professors to gather in a classroom to discuss about the itinerary and health matters, we boys were asked to leave the class because they’d to discuss something very important to girls. We knew it was about menstruation but ironically it was the professors (honored with PhD in scientific field) who were contributing to this build up of myth. School has a lot to do with the sexism we’re witnessing today and it is sad that teachers have ironically played a huge part in this along with parents who are preconditioned with age-old concepts on sex and sexuality.

    What happened in Bengaluru is disturbing to say the least. Molestation and Rape should be treated as a ‘crime of violence’ and not ‘sex crime’ because outraging a women’s body is like killing her spirit.

    Yes, I am someone who’s been vocal about fake cases filed against men, that destroyed their and families life, tarnished their image. It is an absolute menace that would require the law to be thoroughly revised but we are now in a situation where we need to figure and formulate solutions on how to stop crime of violence against women in the first place itself. What many meninist fail to realize is genuine rape survivors are equally ostracized, shamed and held responsible for it which is further flared by these misogynistic men who utter only rubbish that makes no sense whatsoever.

    We cannot expect law and order to help because they seem to be of no use so what’s left is mandatory implementation of self defense classes in mainstream academia. Parent’s need to change their mindset (esp, the young parents) and teach boys to be empathetic and sensitive towards girls (and of course vice versa). We cannot entirely depend on schools anymore given how insensitive and socially conditioned their mind is and no prizes to be guessed, it is unlikely that they won’t create an open forum for children so the entire onus is actually on parents now to make sure their kids esp. girls do not endure what they’d been through while they were young.

    I hope it made sense, would love to be corrected If found wrong somewhere. 🙂

    Nived Nambiar.

  4. Jaya Aiyappa says:

    Well written article . The mass molestation in Bangalore is shameful and represents the thinking of the men in society. Given a chance most treat a woman’s body as an object, unfortunately.
    What is required is comprehensive sexuality education in all schools .
    But most importantly parents need to educate their sons on respecting women

  5. Annie Singh says:

    This is so true and I’m glad you wrote about it – the sexism does start then and nobody wants to hear that or to rectify it – very unfortunate state of affairs

  6. It’s sad how this unfortunate social conditioning starts in the school and we must carry a heavy cross which is building into aggression and false sense of entitlement.

  7. Simi misra says:

    Beautilfully written shuchi👍.

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  118. Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article!
    It’s the little changes that produce the biggest changes.
    Many thanks for sharing!

  119. Touche. Solid arguments. Keep up the good spirit.

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